Teenagers are volatile creatures, bouncing from drama to drama, friend to friend, situation to situation, usually without regard for the safety and well-being of anyone involved or by-standing. A strong, stable home is what they need most to compensate for

their feelings of being out of control and desires for more freedoms. Yes, they create lots of situations and have to deal with the consequences of their actions, but there are many situations they must deal with that others create for them.

Problems That Parents Create

Adolescence comes at a time when many of their parents’ lives face their own personal growth process shifts. Parents are shifting their focus from managing children who are typically compliant to managing near-adults who may or may not comply with boundaries, directions, requests or rules. Teenage development throws more pressure on parents to manage and guide their children when they may be having their own age-related difficulties. There is a shift in the family power dynamics, from the nurturing mother to the enforcing father. The result is often inter-generational conflicts that threaten the stability of marriages and individuals.

When families either move in with their elders or an elder moves in with them creates problems for the teens. Everyone must adjust and it is most difficult for the elderly. When that move was due to a spousal death, the entire family is grieving. Everyone must create new social dynamics and possibly deal with the loss of privacy. Tempers flare easily without possible resolution, because there are usually no options.

When an adult loses their job, financial pressures mount to the point where the family may become homeless and/or go hungry. Shifting from shelter to shelter, transitional living situation to temporary campgrounds undermines adolescents’ capabilities to deal with their own lives. Their problems seem to pale in the face of survival issues.

Adults in the home may be substance abusers or sexual abusers. Children learn to avoid the individual(s), find other places to be for as long as possible, become passive or overtly rebellious, or run away from home. Many times the teenagers find solace with other teenagers and engage in risky behavior because they do not fear consequences from their parents.

When the parents experience their own mid-life crisis period (usually any time between ages 35 and 50) that often coincides with their children’s teenage years, marriages are endangered by extramarital affairs and/or trial separations. Divorce may be yet another situation affecting everyone in the family.

Problems That Siblings Create

Many teenagers aren’t the oldest in the family, so they must deal with their older siblings’ life events. Perhaps an elder sibling leaves home for work, military or school. There is a vacuum of guidance and friendship that once existed and new family dynamics must develop.

Sometimes an older (or younger) sibling may engage in risky or delinquent behavior; gangs may be part of this behavior cycle. Frequently substance abuse is also involved. The entire family may have to deal with the embarrassment or difficulties associated with a family member being arrested, going to court and sentenced either to extensive probationary requirements or incarceration. There is also a financial hardship that these problems bring to the entire family.

While acting out behaviors often bring to mind males, females have their own versions of acting out. One consequence of female acting out or exploratory behaviors is unwanted pregnancy. Family discussions and resentments can flower. If the girl carries the child to term and wants to keep it, the entire family typically adjusts to an infant in the home. Life can be extremely stressful if there is also an elder in the same household making four generations under one roof.

All Is Not In The Family

Other teenagers frequently cause difficulties for each other. Rumors about what someone did or didn’t do or have get started out of jealousy or vengeance. He said/she said arguments flare at school and in the neighborhood. Friends turn on each other for little or no apparent reason. Bullying and intimidation comes in forms of verbal taunts, physical threats or actual fights, non-verbal intimidation gestures, or gang-related triggers. Locker rooms and small corners of buildings are frequently dangerous for students even during passing times between classes.

When the police come to a school campus for purposes of a drug search and seizure, sometimes other teens plant their stash in another’s locker. Weapons may also be hidden in others’ lockers to be found when anonymous tips are called in.

Teenagers must deal with the face-to-face situations with peers; they are used to that. What causes more difficulties are the new waves of harassment and intimidation that happens via cell phone texting and social media sites.

What Can Concerned Parents Do?

Parents need to remember that they are responsible for their children’s lives; their own lives may need to wait. When parents talk with their children, maintain open communications even during difficult times, respect them in both words and tones of voice, help them make appropriate decisions and choices, the teens can weather any of the above “storms”. There is so much good in each of those teenagers, despite their vocabulary, costumes or actions. Their goodness is what parents have always fostered and must continue to do so even when their lives seem to be out of control. The effort is worthwhile; it might even save the adult’s life.